Wednesday, May 16, 2012

You're not a Celebrity

Before I say anything, I realize that I'm not the only one to share this opinion. However, I think it's important to hammer home this message: You're not a celebrity; stop acting like one on Twitter and Facebook. Also, I know that you get comments from people on these banal updates: "Went to the gym." Assfuck McDumbass liked this. Plainperson Boringski: "OMG, I go to Ripoff Fitness too!!!" Generica Duckface: "I'll go with U ... after I take a pic of my dinner from Perkins and make a list of all the non events that happened today. ♥"

And do you know what's fucked up? I don't have to worry about my friends thinking I'm being passive aggressive and insulting them, which I'm not. Why? Because 90 percent of them have never read my blog. And I'm not taking that personally; they're just not reading much of anything. I even did a little experiment. I posted a fake status update, simply put: Eating a salad. That's right, I actually wasn't! And it got a bunch of likes and comments. It was both hilarious and sad as something I wrote earlier, which I considered deep and interesting, was completely ignored.

Of course, I'm guilty of this stuff too. I'm not above making a mundane update or taking a picture of my new coat. I really, really like that coat. So, I'm looking at this more like Kurt Vonnegut would have. I see a thought virus that has infected my friends and turned cool people into vapid posters and have prevented them from intellectually growing.

I really don't have a solution to this problem, yet. Obviously, I've changed the settings to to only display important updates (some friends completely disappeared), and I've unsubscribed from people who've annoyed me with their bullshit. And by bullshit, I mean role playing an Internet character that is happy all the time, never has any issues, and constantly has to regurgitate generic sentiments about friendship, family, and living life. But if I thought it was possible, I'd tell you to stop enabling this by ignoring people who use it as a personal diary.


  1. How was the salad?
    I kid, I kid.

  2. I can tell you this: It was the best salad I've ever had.

  3. Yeah!!!!

    Put something awesome, about how you found a tortoise on the way to work, and the hare was nowhere in sight!

    Like me. :)

  4. So, recently I posted a pic of what I was having for dinner and it got quite the response. People love food. My band-meh, my kid's video-more than meh, but nothing gets people like food!

  5. It's like moths to a flame. Here's what you do. Type "yummm" or something really annoying with it. Then in the following sentences, talk about the thing you really want them to read about.