Book Review: Fifty Shades of Grey

I'm truly sorry, but this was too tempting. And unlike many people, I've actually sat down and read it. It's a fucking Twilight fan-fiction originally titled Masters of the Universe, no association with He-Man, that was actually published and has become a New York Times best seller! What planet is this? You'd expect this insanity could only occur in an episode of The Outer Limits. But before I get started, I can sum up my thoughts with an E.L. James quote from the actual book itself:

"Why does he want to know this? It's so dull."

Active vs. Passive Entertainment

Most people really don't understand what's entertaining about challenging work. It doesn't matter if it's a book, a film, or a complex piece of music; they just don't get it. I'm here to tell you that you've been conditioned, mostly by TV, film, and video game studios, into thinking effortless, instant gratification is the best type of experience you can have. But in reality, these things are vapid, fleeting and leave you the exact same person you were before, after.

I'm not saying mindless fun is bad. But we, society, have absolutely no balance. Wouldn't you like to be entertained in a way that betters you as a human being in the process? Wouldn't you like to broaden your horizons and open up an entirely new world of possibilities? And do you really want to through your entire life without ever attempting to create something above yourself?

I honestly don't know what the answer is here. To me this looks rhetorical, but I wouldn't be surprised if the answer was a resounding NO! So, I'll assume the worst and work to convince you to give a shit.

You're not a Celebrity

Before I say anything, I realize that I'm not the only one to share this opinion. However, I think it's important to hammer home this message: You're not a celebrity; stop acting like one on Twitter and Facebook. Also, I know that you get comments from people on these banal updates: "Went to the gym." Assfuck McDumbass liked this. Plainperson Boringski: "OMG, I go to Ripoff Fitness too!!!" Generica Duckface: "I'll go with U ... after I take a pic of my dinner from Perkins and make a list of all the non events that happened today. ♥"

Why Your Band Sucks

So, you have a band and all your close friends think your music is great! But in reality, they're lying. They're your friends for a reason. And your music falls into one of two categories: Trying to sound exactly like a band you all mutually like or claiming to be original because you couldn't find an identical sounding vocalist.

Fark's Anti Atheism Slant

It's annoying and comically hypocritical. It also appears a shit ton in the site's geek section. Fark has to make sure these moronic, golden mean fallacies constantly reach us by green-lighting any semblance of an article that's anti atheism. The last one was about two paragraphs long and had the journalistic quality of a Facebook update. But we need to know that being an atheist is wrong, and it's just as bad as being a religious extremist. You know, the type who picket funerals and fight to deny people basic rights.

Spin's 100 Greatest Guitarists of All Time = Hilarity

A lot of people feel a sense of outrage over ranking lists. And usually the people making them aren't musicians or are fairly ignorant about anything which isn't mainstream. But this is the first time I've ever come across a list that was so bad it was actually hilarious. I want you to check it out before reading any further.(http://www.spin.com/articles/spins-100-greatest-guitarists-all-time).

OK, now that you're back, let's take a look at the greatest guitarists ever! I want to point out that some very good musicians were actually mentioned on it. John Mclaughlin was ranked 30 spots below one of the guys from Run DMC, and Frank Zappa somehow wandered into the top 20 ... just a little behind Kerry King and The Edge. Yeah, I really just fucking typed that.

Review: Star Wars Kinect

Well I'll be damned. Yet another Kinect title that works perfectly and gave me no trouble with the controls. In fact, it even worked with my plastic lightsaber! I've seen a lot of reviews of this game. And there is really nothing new here when it comes to the hatred. I even saw one person reviewing it with a room illuminated by daylight. And of course, he had a horrible experience. Since, you know, daylight contains infra red radiation ... which is the same radiation the Kinect sensor uses to detect you and your motions!

My Favorite Jazz Vocalist: Gregory Porter

Gregory Porter is one of the most talented singer / songwriters you haven't heard, yet. It's OK though, he's only been releasing albums for a couple years. You have time to change the error of your ways. But he's facing an uphill battle right now by making music that actually is good and lyrics that mean something.

His debut album, Water, came out in 2010. And I remember hearing a track off it called Illusion and instantly having this huge connection to it.