Monday, February 4, 2013

Worst Emo Song I've Ever Heard: Blood on the Dance Floor - Bewitched

This is something quite remarkable. It seems to encompass everything I hate about scene / emo / whatever you kids call it. And I know I'm not the demographic here: I haven't been a teen in over a decade, and I've never, that I know of, been a girl. But it's just surprising how little these "musicians" have to do nowadays to get this type of attention and following. Before I dive in, here is what I'm talking about:

Now the reasonable reaction, upon viewing it, should be one of hysteric laughter. It's not necessarily the incoherent plot or bad direction of the video, it's the "singing" — which I'll get to after I break down this simple crap.

Hey look, another pop song made only using one key, B major in this case, in 4/4, and using a simple progression, I ii IV iii. Well, at least it makes my job here really easy. But that's only because something created with little effort or skill takes little effort or skill to pick apart. Hey, don't blame me; blame yourselves for just wanting to listen to a simple hook on repeat.

But I just would love for any sort of pop style to just branch out a little. I mean really, is it that hard to actually utilize modes to make something a bit more creative sounding?  And no, playing in Eb Lydian, in the chorus, doesn't fuck'n count. It's still all the same chords and notes as in B major.

But that crap isn't what shocked me about this. It's that I've never heard autotune used so heavily to have so little of an effect on pitch or intonation. This is insanity! All it does is make the vocals sound more digitally processed, and all that does is shout to the world how little vocal talent you have. Seriously, how bad do you have to be when the typical autotune plugin has to shift in semitones to correct you? I'd recommend the "band" invested in Melodyne, but I think basic singing lessons are desperately needed. I'll even give the first lesson for free: Take the clothespins off your noses!

And what is up with these lyrics? Conceptually, it's a not terrible idea for their audience. But the execution is so piss poor. Not only is the phrasing extremely awkward, in parts, but the entire story seems to be based around the group's limited capacity for rhyming: [Hell, Spell], [Hour, Power], etc.

With all that said, I had a good time laughing at it. It was unintentionally satirical. It showcases everything that's cliche and wrong about the music kids are coming up with, in a single video. And for fucks sake, these guys make 90s boy bands look like lumberjacks.

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