Monday, November 28, 2011


You exist to others as a concept based on their collective memories, at least, anytime you aren't directly interacting with them. So, it's understandable that people often pigeonhole you to their strongest memories. Or that it would take a lot of interactions to change that paradigm. This is also understandable because most people hardly change and doubly so when they are trying. Hell, even your own personality is largely derived from memories of your experiences. And their accuracy to reality isn't even relevant to their importance.

The problem is with people, like me, who are volatile. We are sponges to the world around us and constantly evolve or progress towards becoming someone new. Well, at least until we reach an information threshold — which, personally, I haven't yet. So, even within relatively short durations between interactions, with people we know well, we can become strangers to our friends. At least, from our perspective. As I said above, most people pigeonhole you and will, more or less, be comfortable with treating you as a well understood, predictable concept.

And this isn't the only effect. One's perceptions and conceptualizations of themselves can lead to dissociation issues with their past. Ergo, I even feel as a complete stranger to a lot of my past selves, with only genetic predispositions and subconscious baggage, from mostly traumatic events, carried over. Much like the caterpillar to butterfly effect. But as you can see, they get different names because of obvious taxonomic differences. But I think the changes in neuropathways and in brain development can be just as dramatic, if not worthy of a new name.

Also, I see lots of posts about where people were or what they did at certain ages. But few are about that person's ideologies or dreams during those years. I, however, find my life is pretty accurate to those ages' respective Windows releases.

Age 5: I'm Windows 2.0. I'm loved by the people who own me. They laugh when I do amazing things that surpass their expectations, but they are still waiting for more out of me before they take me seriously.

Age 12: I'm Windows 95. Some of my attributes are finally taken seriously. But I'm still limited, and everyone feels the need to point those limitations out. And whenever they talk about me, they compare me to something they think is better ... but really isn't.

Age 15: I'm Windows 98. I'm a shell of who I want to be. I crash a lot because I'm always sick. I'm barely able to do what's being forced on me, and everyone talks about how much I suck. For the most part, all I do is play video games.

Age 20: I'm Windows XP. I'm more popular, even girls are now using me. I look sleeker, sexier and am running on much better, upgraded hardware. And I'm finally running creative applications as well as my rivals. Unfortunately, I still have some major flaws: I'm easily corrupted, I have memory leak issues, and I'm expected to have zero shortcomings, with my life's plan having already been "figured out."

Age 25: I'm Vista. While I think I'm better, many people refuse to accept me and my changes. I'm running on a much faster processor and my accessible memory is larger than the things I used to dream of. I caution people when their actions could lead to a major error, and they hate me for it. And oddly, I'm finding more acceptance from the people who didn't care much for my earlier versions. Overall, I'm more complex than I've ever been.

Anyways, some people do change, especially Introverts — who are constantly reflecting on every tiny thought and the minutiae of existence. Learn to love your friends and family for who they are, not who you think they are or who they used to be. If you don't respect that newer person, that older, stubborn memory of them is all you'll be left with.

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